I Need Your Help

Life with Alzheimer’s … I wish there was an easy way to explain to you my day to day.  There’s just not. Some days are good, some days are not good and some days are downright awful. But we keep doing what we can, putting one foot in front of the other, taking one day at a time.

My attitude hasn’t been very pretty lately. The new job (while going to be really good in the long run) is a huge learning curve for me. I’ve been way more hours than I planned on trying to get the ins and outs of things. It’s nice, because it is flexible. I can take mom on errands she wants to run. I can take an hour and have lunch with her on days when she’s having a hard day. That part of it is really nice. So I think it will be a good move…eventually. Right now it is adding A LOT on my already overflowing plate. But one day at a time, that’s my mantra!

Mom has really been struggling lately. This is so hard for her. I wish I could somehow make it easier, but that’s just not happening. We have always been extremely close and I think because of that sometimes I tend to take the brunt of her frustration. We had a heart to heart today because I told her I NEED her to tell me what I’m doing that is upsetting her because I’m just not sure I understand what it is. There were a lot of tears from her as she explained even she doesn’t know sometimes. She does realize that lately she’s been mad at me a lot. I try to laugh it off because that’s how I deal with it. When I can’t win for losing sometimes laughter is the only thing I’ve got … but I think sometimes she thinks I’m laughing at her. So definitely something I’m working on.

My goal is to do everything in my power to make my mom’s life easier. Some days that’s easier said then done, but it is all part of the process. We take two steps forward and about 12 back, but we just keep moving. That’s what you do. This is a horrible, ugly, STUPID disease. But it is what we have been dealt. God is still good in the midst of it all. I told my kids in Sunday School this morning, I’m learning that even though I don’t see the good in any of this, people are watching and how I react and respond will tell them a lot about my Jesus. I haven’t always done the best at this, but I’ve tried to be honest. I’ve worked my way back to him time and time again and I know that ultimately he is still good.

So mom’s been having a really hard time. She struggles greatly with feeling like she’s already been forgotten. She feels like people’s lives have just kept moving on (which they have, that’s normal) but when yours feels at a standstill that’s a hard pill to swallow. She has some great friends who check on her and take her to lunch. But most of her days are spent sitting cooped up in the house. She’s been really fighting depression lately, but honestly we have that in common. She tells me she is in mourning. I totally get that and tell her often she is allowed to be. Lately there’s been a lot of I hate myself, I hate my life, I would rather just die. That’s hard … it’s hard for me to swallow. But, like I told her today right now we focus on one day at a time. We get up, we face the day, we do the very best we can, and tomorrow we do it all over again.

Her birthday is coming up this week. She’s been pretending it doesn’t exist. She told me she doesn’t want to face it. But, that’s just not gonna happen. The truth is we don’t know how many good birthdays we are going to have left. So I’m going to celebrate the heck outta this woman I call my mother. We are planning fun things for her and I know so many of you love her and I’m hoping you will want to be a part!

First, I would LOVE it if you read my blog if you would send her a birthday card. I’ll give you the address in a minute, but I want her to know she has NOT been forgotten. The same people who pray me through and carry me are praying and supporting her. Her birthday is Wednesday but we are going to have a party for her on Saturday and I would love to have a bag full of cards just for her!

Second, here’s my idea for the party (I’m actually really proud of this, but I do have to give a little credit to the hubs). So everyone who is coming to the party has been asked not to bring a gift. I’d love to invite you all but crowds cause anxiety attacks right now so that wouldn’t be a very fun party! Anywho, instead of gift I have asked every one coming to bring a card and on a piece of paper, index card or whatever inside the card I want them to write one thing they could do over the next year with my mom. I’ve got a cousin who might take her bowling, one who might take her skating, the boy is going to plan a weekend trip to the zoo. It could be lunch, manis, pedis, movies, shopping, exercising…ANYTHING. Seriously, my directionally challenged aunt is talking about taking her hiking. I don’t care what it is because I want her to have things to look forward to do and memories to make. The only rule is that when you do these activities you HAVE to take pictures. My gift to her is a scrapbook where we will put all of her pictures together for to have FOREVER. I know right???

So here’s what I’m asking, if you are a friend of hers who is close enough that this is something you could do, please do it. Send a birthday card with something written inside that you can do with her over this year. It doesn’t have to have a date, like on 12/3/14 we will do this. It can just say, Susie, this year you and I will go to lunch, or whatever!  I love creativity, so be as creative as possible. She has a friend who is buying concert tickets. I LOVE THAT! I want her to experience and really enjoy the good days we have left. I don’t want her cooped up every day watching the clock tick by.

Of course there are some of you who read this that it would just be weird if you offered to do something with her … so please just send a card J!

I’m hoping this will be an incredible birthday for her, one she can remember and have pictures for when she can’t! The party is a surprise, so PLEASE don’t say anything to her if you see her. I want all of this to be a surprise, but I want her to know she is NOT forgotten. She is loved by soooo many. I get to see it and hear it as you post on here, but I want her to hear it this time!

I will be forever grateful to all of you.

Thank you for loving my family so well!!

(The mailing address to send the cards to is 608 Sequoyah Lane Altus, OK 73521)!