Through It All ...

If you had told me two years ago that my life would look the way it does today, I would have called you crazy. Flat out.

Two years ago, Chris and I were just about to find out we were pregnant. The boy, who we had hoped and prayed about for seven years was finally going to be growing inside of me.

Two years ago we were in a really great place. We were happy. We had friends. Life seemed really good.

So much can change in two years.

Never, in all the situations I played out in my mind, could I have imagined that my mother would be on her way to take a test that would determine whether or not she had Alzheimer's covering her brain.  Never would I have imagined that she would be diagnosed and suffering from a disease where the back part of her brain just basically dies. Never ...

For whatever reason though this is our journey. This is the path that has been chosen for us.

While The Hubs bas been gone to a training the past two weeks, I've been putting the boy to bed. (I have to say it does NOT go as well when Daddy's not here...) One of the things I love about that time is that it's quiet. We cuddle up and rock and sing songs. There is one song in particular I just keep playing over and over.

I've posted this song SO many times before ... but it really is the cry of my heart during this time.

Through it All

Through It All 

My eyes are on You

Through It All 

Through It All 

It is well ... 

So let go my soul and trust in Him

It just seems to be on repeat in my heart. I've found myself quite often during my quiet times just tell God I don't know what to say to Him and simply repeating those lines over and over. I know He knows my heart. I'm so incredibly grateful for the way He continues to meet me and love me right where I am.

I love that He is big enough for my anger, He is big enough for my fear, He is big enough for my sadness. He is just big enough. I'm so grateful for that.

Mom will be in the test tomorrow (Thursday) afternoon. We should have the results by Monday at the latest. I'm not sure what it will really change at this point but at least we will know. My heart doesn't feel as heavy tonight ... so maybe that's a good thing.

I guess I'm working on finding light ... in the darkness.