He Waits.

Honestly, I'm over this disease. I'm over the stupidity of people that know nothing about this disease yet presume they know exactly how we should handling it. I'm tired of people's opinions. I'm tired of people's judgment. I'm just kind of over it all. But you know what I'm not over? You know what I have realized I don't have near enough of in my life right now? Quiet time. Time to sit alone with my Savior and rest, knowing that He has all of this crazy, beautiful mess in His hands. 

I follow, I guess it's a blog, called #SheReadsTruth. If you don't ... you should check them out. You can sign up for their reading plans free on email. (http://shereadstruth.com) Right now we are doing Hosea. At first, I was like bleh. I know this story ... Seriously God? I wanted you to meet me in the middle of all this, and I get Hosea. Boo...

Apparently, I've forgotten what the theme of Hosea is and besides totally kicking my tail up one side and down another ... it is the epic love story. God is using this book ... this story ... these people ... to remind me that He is pursuing the heck out of my wounded heart right now. Oh how I need to know that. 

He is reminding me how stubborn I am. How human. How my instinct in fear and the unknown is to run. But (this is my favorite part) He is also reminding me that, 

"He waits. He watches with sadness, with righteous anger, with tender grief for all we must go through again. When we return to Him broken, with hands out, He holds us close. He starts over again, patiently teaching us about His love and our need to obey and be humbled." 

God is good. Circumstances stink. There are days when I don't want to get out of bed and face reality. But I am being reminded over and over right now that God is still good. 

“Come, let us return to the Lord; for he has torn us, that he may heal us; he has struck us down, and he will bind us up.”
- Hosea 6:1 

I may feel completely torn ... but he is going to heal. He is going to bind up. He is going to pursue, to love, to wait, to hurt with me. 

I don't know, maybe I'm rambling tonight. But this is where my heart is. I want more of this God. I want to run towards him with all that I have. I want to lay the hurt, the fear, the frustrations, the annoyance, the anger all down at his feet. I just want more of him tonight. 

Maybe you do too?

Quick update for those of you who don't really care about my ramblings but do care very much about my mom: 

We had an MRI scheduled for Saturday. Insurance is doing what insurance does and we are having to fight with them a bit. The doctor at Texas Tech is still really fighting for us and that makes us happy. She survived her trip to Tennessee although not without its hiccups. It was good for her though and I think she was really glad she went. The crappy thing about this disease is you seriously have moments, days, weeks that things seem fine. She can pass for normal. But she's not and oh how hard it is for us to watch those things but hear you tell us how great she looks. This is such a silent disease and I detest that about it. But mom is doing okay. She is hanging in there and adjusting to retirement. Chris, Ash and I are going to be moving back out to moms in the next few months. (Be praying we can find a home for our fur babies. So far it has been WAY harder than we imagined, both finding someone we trust and letting them go). It is going to be good for us to be able to help out and good for mom to get plenty of Asher time. He seems to keep her young right now and that is definitely a plus. I'll keep you updated as we move forward with Dr. Wu and with how things are, I promise. I've been quiet lately, because there just hasn't been much to talk about. :) But know, as always, we appreciate your support and prayers so much more than you may ever know!