Just a year...

Just one year ago I was sitting on a couch with my mom talking about the upcoming school year. I had literally moved into her home the night before and was preparing to report to my new job the next morning. My husband was still in Colorado, we had a 5 week old. I had been through a pretty miserable experience and was just pretty down on myself. I was unhappy with the circumstances and pretty darn angry with God.

Looking back over that whole experience, I know full well that God had a plan. He needed us home. I still don't agree with the way the situation played out. I think there are some people who will answer one day for their actions or lack thereof; but I full heartedly believe that God needed me to get home.

One year later I cannot believe all that has changed. A year ago I was nervously going to bed (knowing that I'd be up at least four times during the night with my newborn) wondering what life was going to be like. I was nervous about whether people would like me or not. I was nervous about whether life in this small town was going to be like a grown up version of high school. Honestly, I was kind of dreading being here and already looking for an escape.

One year later things have completely changed. I find that I am no longer really concerned with what anyone thinks. My priorities have been rearranged and I find that I am less worried about pleasing people and more worried about taking care of my family.

So much has changed. Over the past year I've become an expert in things like retirement, disability, social securities. I've become an avid researcher of all things related to dementia. I've become an advocate. I've become a fighter. 

I've become the mother of a toddler. (By the way whoever said walking doesn't change much...LIED!) 

I've almost become a mother to my mother. 

I'm a totally different person. But in a lot of ways ... it's been good. 

I'm closer to my family than ever before. I've walked through some hurt, some anger, some  LOTS of bitterness and found my way to the other side. 

I'm not sure what this year holds, but I do know one thing. I won't be taking anything for granted ... because we aren't really guaranteed much of anything in this life and who knows what a year can hold.