Still Listening

I’m not sure who all is praying for my heart to be softened … but whoever you are … Thank you! God has been all over me and I’m not running as fast as I can in the other direction so that’s a start. I have this one “friend” who continues to post songs that I believe she knows are going to send me running back to Him and even though I tell her I don’t like her, I’m lying. She is good for my soul.

This journey we are on is tough. There is nothing easy about it. But I have been reminded this week that so many of our journeys are tough. I guess for the past few weeks/months I’ve been doing the whole pity party thing and telling myself anything in the world has to be better than this. But you know … that’s just not true. I still have my mom. We have good days, bad days and really bad days. But we have days together. I’m learning to cling to that. So many people have shared stories of loss with me and God has used that to remind me that my story is not over yet. So thank you…all of you for your encouragement and prayers. They are working.

One really special guy reached out to me this week. Let me stop for one second and tell you I LOVE this kid. He’s really not a kid. He just graduated college and is getting married in September to a girl who I adore.  This kid has such a special place in my heart that I cannot even describe it. He amazes me and I am just truly so grateful for him.

Anyway, he reached out to me and I’m going to copy his message below (and yes I got his permission!).

Hey friend. Just got done reading through everything that you've posted on Facebook and your blog lately. Wow. So much to take in, and I can't even begin to know the emotions you guys are feeling. I wanted to share with you something that I read a while ago. It's not necessarily a warm fuzzy feel-good passage of Scripture, but I love the truth that exists within it:

Zephaniah 3:16-20 16 On that day it shall be said to Jerusalem: “Fear not, O Zion; let not your hands grow weak. 17 The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. 18 I will gather those of you who mourn for the festival, so that you will no longer suffer reproach. 19 Behold, at that time I will deal with all your oppressors. And I will save the lame and gather the outcast, and I will change their shame into praise and renown in all the earth. 20 At that time I will bring you in, at the time when I gather you together; for I will make you renowned and praised among all the peoples of the earth, when I restore your fortunes before your eyes,” says the Lord.

I say it's not necessarily a feel-good passage because this is a promise made to Israel in the middle of their lives sucking a lot. And it's stated multiple times that the day that God chooses to help Israel wasn't there yet and might take a while. I can't necessarily give you words of encouragement regarding HOW your life might get better from this passage. But I know from reading this that God promises all these things WILL happen someday. My prayers for you and your sweet family aren't for the day when God delivers on these promises, but on the indefinite time leading up to that day. Because those are the times when we are angry and hurt and frustrated (rightfully so). In the meantime, Hannah and I are praying that God will begin to show you that t he is in your midst and that he will begin to quiet any anger and hurt by His love.

You guys, straight knocked the wind out of me as I started to bawl. You know how God gives you something that it’s like your heart has been waiting to hear? Well this was mine. Here’s what I needed to hear … there are promises. They may not happen tomorrow. God may not show up and perform the miracles I am begging him for. He may not do what I think He should right at this moment, but he WILL show up.

I haven’t told him this but Zephaniah 3:17 is one of my absolute favorite verses, but in the past few months I haven’t even thought of it. Today it was like God said, “I’m waiting to quiet you with my love.” I so need that right now. I’ve just been so scared of running to him. I think I’ve been scared that if I give in and run to Him, it’s like I’m accepting His plan and saying I’m okay with it. I’m so not … but I’m beginning to realize I don’t have to be. I think I’m relearning or unlearning even a lot of things I always thought to be true these days and you know what, that’s okay.

So here’s what I have for you tonight, whatever it is your are facing, whatever your giants are right now … you don’t have to like it, you don’t have to accept it… you can just fight with all you have and in the quiet moments let His love continue to pour over you. Don’t give in. Even when you feel defeat like you’ve never felt before. Even when every turn you take runs you into another wall, keep fighting but let him hold onto you while you go. I’m finding some sweet comfort in that place tonight. 

ps - I love you Ben Hamilton. You are one amazing young man. If my Asher becomes half the man you have become ... I will be one blessed mama!