Holy Week

I wish I could write and tell you that my world is not still upside down, but we all know I can't. Right now I am focusing on putting one foot in front of the other and taking one day at a time.

It's hard not to just kind of keep going. You hear news like this ... it rocks your world, but the world keeps spinning. We've all tried to stay busy, probably TOO busy. But for now this is where we are. I'm not okay with it, but I'm kind of tired of running from it.

It's funny, I didn't realize how many people were reading my blog, until I started hearing from people that had been sent to the blog for an update. I need to let you all know that I speak honestly on my blog. I know you are supposed to write these blogs for others, but right now I kind of write it for me. I need the space to process, to write out my feelings, to scream and then regroup and start again. Don't be offended by what I share, just recognize it's my heart trying to cope and deal. This past year has been tough for us ... in many, many ways. But God has proven that there is a reason behind everything (even when I think His reasons are STUPID!) :)

I always tell you guys I read a TON of blogs. I think I probably have a problem. This week a lot of the bloggers I follow are focusing on Holy Week. I've kind of rushed through them, not really wanting to focus on much of anything...until this:

"You don't give a flippant shrug about mocking chocolate bunnies and strangling pastel silk ties. You could care less about floral centerpieces when you're breaking into pieces behind closed doors. This whole smashed world's a bloody mess and there are people right outside the window, right behind those velum thin walls all down the street, living this slow, soundless bleed, and Holy week can feel like a hell. and that's why He came." Read more @ http://www.aholyexperience.com.

It's almost like these words, reached in and ripped me out of my stupor. They reminded me that yes, this is hard. It's probably one of the hardest things I'll ever go through. It hurts, so much more than I can even begin to comprehend. But that's why He came. I can close my eyes tight and I can be mad at Him. I can cry and scream and beat my fists against his chest ... but He still came. This week should be putting everything into perspective for me ... and it is. It's still going to be hard and it's still going to hurt ... but I'm not alone. 

"The world moans loud, but he hears you howl. The world smiles thin, but He touches the depths of your deep grief. The world moves on, but His love moves you. He takes the nails to take your pain and He runs with you."

I am grateful for this week. I need this week in history without it today I would have no hope. Right now sometimes I struggle to find hope ... but because of this week, it's there. Because of the cross ... I have hope. I find love. I have peace. I am whole ... because of the cross. I need the cross. I want to remember the cross. I want to cling to the cross, because right now it's all I have to hold on to. So I will hold on tightly, with all my might. He hears me, he sees me, he has not abandoned me.

You either ... I scroll down my facebook feed and am heavy hearted by the trials and the hurt that so many are facing ... just know, you are NOT alone. Because of the cross, because of his love - we have hope.  

Hold on to it tightly ... 

His love moves me ... I need more of that right now. Don't we all?