The Storm

I’m finding myself extremely frustrated today and not knowing how to toe the line between advocating and being annoying. I’ve been waiting on a test to be scheduled since Monday morning. They told me we were waiting on insurance. It’s now Wednesday at noon … and still no word on the test.

I left a message for a nurse this morning and was told she had been working in another doctor’s office the previous day but would be working on getting our test scheduled today. I get that they are busy. I get that this is not a life or death emergency situation to them. But to us … it is. We are waiting on pins and needles for this test. We are not sleeping at night. We are stressed. We are worried. We just want the dang test done.

So how does one know when the line between advocating and annoying is crossed? And should I care? This is my family we are talking about so do I really care if they think I’m annoying?

Anyway that’s my frustrated rant of the day …

I didn’t sleep much last night. It’s tough because the boy has not been sleeping great lately because he’s been so sick. The hubs has been great about helping out during the night but I feel guilty taking a sleeping pill not knowing whether or not he will be up all night.

I laid awake in the dark which is a scary place to be alone with your thoughts.

My mind was playing with what ifs. It was going all the places that I refuse to let it go in the daytime.  This quote that I read a few weeks ago came to mind. “Fear can only grow in darkness…” I started scouring my mind for scriptures to fill the darkness.

Zephaniah 3:17

The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves.  

Deuteronomy 3:22

Do not be afraid of them; the Lord your God himself will fight for you.  

Psalm 27:1

The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom I shall fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid?

Psalm 71:5

For you have been my hope, Soverein Lord, my confidence since my youth. 

Psalm 119:76

May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant. 

Lamentations 3:25 

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him.

I won’t lie and tell you that these thoughts immediately replaced my fears; I closed my eyes, and drifted off to a sweet, refreshing sleep. Of course that didn’t happen. I laid there repeating the verses over and over begging God to write them on my heart and my brain …

I had a friend send me this.

Oh how grateful I am for friends that listen to the promptings of the spirit. I need this. I hate this storm with everything that is in me, but I love that I truly am learning that HE is the ONLY shelter. I’m trying so many other things (ice cream, chocolate…) but He is the only one who can hold my heart tightly during this time.

Right now in this moment this is the cry of my heart.

Micah 7:7

But me, I’m not giving up.

I’m sticking around to see what God will do.

I’m waiting for God to make things right.

I’m counting on God to listen to me.

Keep praying friends.