His Grip

So I’ve got a lot of friends dealing with loss right now. Loss sucks, can I just say that. There is no way to sugar coat it or make it feel any better. Loss just plain out stinks. It hurts, way down deep and there really is nothing you can do or say to make it any better.

I remember going through a period of loss in my life. I’ve shared this story with some but for the off chance someone is reading this other than my Facebook stalker friends, I’ll sum it up again. The Hubs and I had a hard time getting pregnant. Countless ovulation tests and negative pregnancy tests used to leave me in shambles on the bathroom floor. During that time the most absolute, horrible thing that people would say to me was, “God has a plan.” I know some of you Jesus jukers (that’s a toss to Jon Acuff – you can check out his blog here  http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/11/16/the-jesus-juke/#more-4048) will be like oh but He does have a plan, a perfect plan. And I don’t disagree. But when you are in the middle of crisis, when you are hurting because this plan is not what you ever imagined would be your plan, don’t remind me of the plan! I absolutely know that every single person who told me God had a plan were well meaning, loving, wonderful people. It just hurt in that moment to be reminded that something that was hurting me so badly was part of a wonderful, perfect plan. Anyhow I digress because that was not the intention for this post.

(Sidenote: After about 7 years of hurt, God gave us the most precious, beautiful gift. He is wonderful and I would do those 7 years plus many more over again for him, but I have not forgotten the hurt. Lord, may I never forget that hurt. But I tell you that just to let you know that yes, he had a plan … and even if it wouldn’t have been my 6 month old it still would have been good, I truly believe that.)

I have a lot of people in my life who are hurting and y’all to be completely honest I have no idea what to say to them. I don’t want to be someone who says something well intended but that ends up hurting them in the long run. But I’ve got to believe my God is not small and he can handle my meager words.

With that said what can we say to our friends who are knee deep in the murky waters of pain and loss? I have found that the one word that never fails is love. Cover them in it. In the middle of loss there are so many moments when you just feel alone. Remind people that they aren’t. Don’t just say it – do it. Don’t say let me know how I can help you. Remember these people are in the middle of pain, find something to do and do it. I remember when a really dear friend of mine was dealing with her husband getting sick. I remember standing on my front porch and telling her I’m not asking, I’m telling. When you ask people what you can do for them, you give them yet another task to take care of – giving you something to do. Just jump in and help. Make a meal, write a card, send a text, pick up a kid … nine times out of ten God will lay it clearly on your heart and then you just have to be a doer.

I’ve got one special friend who is hurting right now. Words cannot even begin to express the pain she is in. I want nothing more than to switch places with her because I cannot imagine being her age and having to deal with the things she now has to deal with. It is unbearable. I was searching for anything to offer her and I knew that none of my words were good enough so I turned to the Book.

“That’s right. Because, I your God, have a firm grip on you and I’m not letting go. I’m telling you, ‘Don’t panic. I’m right here to help you.’”

Isaiah 41:13

That’s it right? That’s what we all want to know, what we all need to hear. “I’ve got a firm grip on you and I’m not letting go. I’m right here.”

People, this ministered to my own heart so deeply this morning especially in regards to my surrender. I am an answers kind of girl. I cannot listen to that song Oceans right now without having to pull the car over from crying. I’m pretty sure the boy in the car seat behind me has figured out by now his momma is cray-cray! But y’all those words …

“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters, wherever you may call me.”

Seriously?? Trust without borders. Guys, I’ve got borders on my borders. And walk upon the waters … don’t even get me started.  But that’s what God desires of me. He wants me to jump outta that boat, arms wide open. Can I just share with you the mental picture I just got? Me, literally flopping out of a boat. HA! But how completely descriptive of my fears. God if I just trust you, no limits, what happens when I flop out of the boat and land right on my face. I’ve been there (way too many times) and it hurts. Although if I allow myself to be reflective it would be because I’ve just jumped out of the boat without paying attention to the other words of that song,

“keep my eyes above the waves, when oceans rise.”

How often do I just jump and the first wave comes along and I’m all, “ahhh!! Waves!!! I’m drowning!” Some of y’all (Nadia) are laughing at me right now but you so know it’s true. That’s not faith. That’s not a girl who believes that God has got her in a firm grip and is not going to let her go. Maybe that’s the part I’ve been missing. I’ve still been trying to control; control the waves, control my drowning … maybe I need to let the waves take me under and surrender to them and see what God does next.  Just let Him be in control.

So what do I have to offer my friends who are hurting?

Jesus.

The fact that He promises he has such a tight grip on you that you aren’t going anywhere. I have a feeling that if we surrendered to the waves and just let them take us under, we’d feel his strong, mighty arm pulling us up from underneath them. He’s got us. We don’t have to panic. We don’t have to struggle for control. We can trust that He is not going to let go of us. He is right here with us.