Tired of it ...

(Disclaimer: Today's blog is a bit of a rant ... read at your own discretion)

I’m tired. Bone tired, and yes it probably has something to do with this rabid virus that has been wrecking my body the past 48 hours … but also I feel it down in my soul. I’m just tired.

It feels like there is so much drama going on all around. Within the church, outside the church, to be a feminist or not to be, from Duck Commanders to biblical submission, all of it… Honestly, it feels like we are all just missing the point.

I read an open letter from Thom Rainer today. It echoed some of my thoughts completely. You can read it here (http://thomrainer.com/2014/01/13/an-open-letter-to-my-denomination-have-we-lost-our-first-love/). In it he simply talks of us losing our first love and how as a denomination we are reaching fewer people for the gospel today than we did decades ago when we were a much smaller group. To me that should be completely heartbreaking…

I’ve recently gone through what I would call a crisis of faith, except it wasn’t really about faith. I was just searching. I was confused by what was happening in my life and because I didn’t understand it I started looking for answers. I didn’t stop believing in God, I didn’t stop following after Him, I just started questioning things that I had previously just taken at face value.  And guys it was life changing for me because I realized how small I had made God. I had this Bible belt view of what good Christian faith was supposed to look like, pristine, clean, good …

There’s nothing wrong with the Bible belt. I’m grateful to have been raised here and to have the upbringing I had but the Bible belt is such a small part in a very big world. The reasons that people hold on to some of their beliefs simply because that’s the way it’s always been; sometimes it just makes me sad. I often wonder how many people we are alienating because we are so stuck and because we have given God such a small box to move around in and all of it makes me sad and tired.

I am sitting in a classroom full of students (yes, I’m typing as I sit with them which is another lesson for another time) but as I sit here and look around at them I see such hurt. Many of them have been let down by this world, by their parents, by their friends. Many of them are struggling to do what they know they need to do in order to provide a better life for their children. So many of them are entangled in sin and have found a less than forgiving culture of Christianity to run to and that is what breaks my heart.

Here is the reason for my rant today. I have a student who is precious (of course I would say that, I know). She is struggling deeply to find herself and I watch her day in and day out put herself out there trying to see if this side of her fits better. She has had horrible experiences with so called Christians and churches and because of this she has declared she does not believe in God. I teach with a few older gentlemen, one who has been a pastor for over 30 years. They do not agree with her choices and have made sure that she knows and understands exactly why.

Here’s the thing … I know the age gap plays a part in all this but it just frustrates me so bad. Why would this girl ever care to know this Jesus we claim if we are supposed to be examples of his love yet all we teach is condemnation and hate. She doesn’t and honestly I don’t blame her.

I think what really breaks my heart is that we are missing it. We have forgotten our first love, we have forgotten that he truly is a God of love who ate with sinners and saints alike. He poured out His life for ALL yet we have decided that in order for some to receive it there are things they must clean up first. This isn’t the Jesus I know. He doesn’t order me to clean myself and come to Him … He begs me just to come … He longs for me to come … and I am FAR from clean and perfect.

I think we need to spend more time reaching out to those around us who are hurting and are in need of the love of our Savior instead of bickering within over things that won’t really matter in the long run. I mean honestly will it matter if Sarah Bessey and Candace Cameron Bure disagree on the subject of biblical submission … not when compared to the souls that still need to be loved into the Kingdom and that my friends is up to you and me.

There is much work to be done … and I for one need to get busy.