Fear

Fear.

It’s such a small word, but sometimes it can do such great damage.

I’ve been living behind my fears for so long sometimes I don’t even know who I’d be without them. I’ve allowed them to control me, to dictate my actions, to paralyze me. Can I just be honest with you? I’m so tired of it. I don’t know if it’s part of growing older or just growing up, but I’m hitting this point where I just don’t care so much about what people think about me. I want God to be happy with me. I want my husband and my son to be happy with me. I want to be happy with myself. Other than that … I’m learning to be okay with others not being so happy with me.

(Side note: We will test this theory the first time someone is unhappy with me by my response to the situation.)

So this brings me back to fear. It can be paralyzing right? The fear of not being good enough, the fear of being misunderstood; just plain old fear.

Yesterday, I conquered a big fear. I literally felt sick leading up to it, but once it was done I felt relief. It was like I was allowed to quit hiding. The reality was, I was never really hiding, I was only kidding myself but I felt such freedom. I can’t really explain it. I just felt free.

I follow A LOT of blogs. I’m a little obsessed. It’s been really good for my soul though. Daily in my inbox I get about 8-10 blogs. I don’t always read them all. Sometimes I can tell by the title just to skip it. This blogger is one I’ve been on the fence about but today I found this gem in her blog.

Lives full of beauty aren’t lives full of perfection. They’re lives full of intention.

Lives that are empty aren’t empty because they lack possessions. They’re empty because they lack direction.

I want to live a life full of intention. I don’t want to be hindered by my incessant fears. I want my faith to be big because my God is big. I want my life to have intention and direction. I don’t have to have it all figured out … I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward. Right now that’s all God is telling me to do. Keep moving forward, keep trusting Him.

Then there was this…

God had known all along that it wasn’t going to be the season I was envisioning. He was waiting for me to surrender that over to Him and roll with what had happened. It was time for me to let go of the disappointment and frustration and cling to what He was offering: an abundant life, rest for the weary, fresh mercy, hope for the brokenhearted.

See how God works with me … did you see that word in there? Surrender. Let go of the past and cling to what He is offering, this new thing He is doing in me.

Those are some good words my friends.

Can I just tell you that lately I have felt weary? The boy is teething which means we don’t sleep a lot at night. There is never enough time in the day to do the things I need to do or that should be done. The dishes pile up, the laundry overflows and add to it that this week we’ve all been feeling sick, it just leaves me weary.

So being reminded that God is offering me rest and mercy and hope…that just does my heart so much good. I need those things. Don’t you?

So what are you afraid of? What has you weary? What are you holding on to?

And what do you have to do to let it go, to let go of this idea of perfection and move into this idea of intention and direction. Keep moving forward and keep trusting. He will take care of the rest. Besides when He is with us what do we really have to fear anyway?