Let it Matter

This is a word for those of you who aren't sure what to say to those of us who are hurting. This isn't an attack on anyone who offers support - please know that. This is simply the ramblings of a girl who is in the midst of losing the biggest supporter of her life. This is the ramblings of a heart that feels like it is living in a perpetual state of breaking. So take it for what it is ...

Sometimes the best words we can offer to people who are hurting is that we love them, that we are sorry they are hurting. Somewhere along the way we've adopted this mentality that we just have to force that smile and focus on the good. Remember the good times. There's a time for that - I know there is, but sometimes people need to hurt. I honestly feel like I am in the longest grieving period of my life. I feel like everytime I think I make some leeway something happens to set me back about 100 feet again. Sometimes I wonder if it will ever end ... then I am reminded that it will and that will be worse then even this is. But I often feel the need to suck it up, plaster a smile and make sure I don't make people uncomfortable.

Anywho like I said rambling ...

I know we always feel like we don't know what to say to people who are hurting. Honestly, I don't have the answers. I won't pretend to tell you that. What I will tell you is that one of the most amazing gifts of friendship I have been given is a friend who lets me hurt. I have a friend, she knows who she is, and she is a treasure. We don't have a conventional friendship. We don't hang out much, or even spend that much time together ... but she is a gift in my life for so many reasons. One is that she lets me hurt. She has never made me feel like I need to reign it in, or buck up. She lets me feel the things that are hard and not once has she ever run away. I don't talk to her everyday - but somehow she shows up when I need to be reminded it's okay to feel.

Actually, she's taught me a lot about feeling. I kind of became one of those people who pushes all the hard stuff away and doesn't really deal with it, until it blows up on e'rybody. She's made me face it. She's made me feel it and I am a much better person because of it.

So sometimes when I need to be reminded that the way I'm feeling is important, it's a part of this process, it is the ONLY way I will ever make it to the other side, I put this song on and I let it matter. I let it all matter even the parts I won't ever write about, because it does matter. My hurt, my pain matters .... and so does yours. <3

Let It Matter

Johnnyswim

I don't want to feel better
I don't want to feel good
I want to feel it hurt like losing someone should

I'm gonna let my heart break
I'm gonna let it burn
I'm gonna stake my claim with the flame I know it hurled

Run baby run
Don't you know I've tried
But escape is a waste ain't no use in hiding
you know the best way over's through

So if it matters let it matter
If your heart's breaking let it ache
Catch those pieces as they scatter
Know your hurt is not in vain

Don't hide yourself from the horror
Hurt today here tomorrow
If it's fragile and it shatters
Let it matter, let it matter