You Are Loved

I was at my sweet in laws church this past Sunday in Tennessee and I got to hear this amazingly precious testimony from one of the women in their church. She talked about being sweetly broken and wholly surrendered. I have not been able to get that phrase out of my mind.

Sweetly broken …

The past year and a half has left me feeling pretty broken. Every time I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom, something happens and I feel like I find another 10 feet down to go. Oh who am I kidding, it’s definitely 100 feet, and I just keep hoping at some point there will be an actual bottom, right?

But sweetly broken?

There a lot of days (most days) when I struggle to find anything sweet about this journey we’ve been going through. There are days (like today) when my very character is called into question and I wonder how I’m doing it all so wrong. I try so hard to handle this with as much grace as I know how to do … but it’s tough. It’s especially tough being beaten down and broken over and over again and wondering where the rule book is or the guide that walks you through how to handle this type of stuff.

But then I’m reminded about the wholly surrender … that’s what makes the breaking sweet. It’s in recognizing that the whole point of the brokenness is to lead me to a place where I can throw up my hands and say I can’t do this without You…

And if I’m being honest, most of the time when I hit bottom I can look up and realize I was trying to do it on my own and that’s probably why I’m down here.

Today has been a tough one for me on just about every level. I’ve cried a lot. I’ve felt attacked. I’ve felt misunderstood. I’ve felt judged. I’ve felt alone.

But you know what God did … he brought someone to me. Someone that was feeling those things too. Someone who had just had enough. Someone who like me, was sitting at the bottom yet again. And through that person he reminded me that even though it’s tough and even though it is hard and though I hate it and just want to give up – I’m not alone. He sees ever tear. He hears every word spoke against me. He is mu judge and my defender … and I’m not alone at the bottom. I never really was.

So if you feel alone, if you feel hurt, if you feel scared, broken or just done … there is someone who cares. It’s hard sometimes to let Him care, because we can’t always see Him or hear Him and it’s hard to know He is there – but then He sends people at just the right moment to pull you in for a hug and say I get it. You are not alone. You are not a bad person. You are doing the very best that you can and putting one foot in front of the other and for today that is enough, regardless of what anyone else says.

So for today – let it be enough. You are enough. You are loved.