So you know how on Facebook they have this thing now that
lets you see your “memories”. The past few days of memories have been really
hard for me. Sunday it was one year since my mom’s wreck, yesterday was one
year since the doctors started telling us what we were really dealing with … I
can’t believe it has only been a year.
The emotions I felt during those days – have come bubbling
back up over the past few days and they are hard. I say all the time I’m so
grateful that I still have my mom … but man some days are tough, because I so
miss the person that she was. Looking back to a year ago I remember being so
scared. I remember feeling that everything was changing and not having any idea
how quickly it would change. I have no idea what the future was going to look
like (I still don’t really by the way) but it was just all happening so fast. I
had no control … and for me, that is terrifying.
Now here we are a year later …
It’s still scary. There is still no control. But there is a
lot of love. Most days I’m not sure which way is up and which is down, but I
know that we love each other. I know that in the midst of incredible darkness
we have grown closer together than I ever imagined possible. I know that there
have been people fall away, and there have been people step up and embrace this
incredibly difficult journey alongside us.
So while I still don’t have the answers I wanted and I still
don’t know what’s coming – I know that we have each other and for right now
that’s enough.
…
So how’s it really going?
Some days are great, other days are not so great. Some days
she knows all the things, some days she knows no things. Things out of the
ordinary (like these ridiculous storms lately) really throw us for a loop. Dad
has been going out to Elmer and helping with clean up and setting up generators
for people and mom has had the best time. She tells me all about the people she’s
been meeting. These are people she has known all her life. People she grew up
with, went to school with, spent time at their homes… it’s heartbreaking when
you stop and think about it, but for now I just focus on the fact that she’s
loving meeting all these new friends. J
We are taking it day by day as best we can. The nightmares
are back, but that’s most likely because we decreased her sleeping meds because
of the hallucinations during the day. It’s a no win situation no matter how you
look at it.
We go back to visit the doctor on June 1. I have mixed
feelings because it really sucks knowing there is nothing new to try or do. It’s
just a crummy disease.
I’m working through my anger … or trying to. Some days that’s
also easier than others. But we just keep going…one foot in front of the other!
June is Alzheimer’s awareness month! You’ll probably see me
posting lots of things and also get ready for me to start really promoting our
walk in September. We have a team and I hope to get busy really fundraising and
moving forward on that. If you’re reading this – think and pray about how you
can be involved. There may be no answers for us, but there is hope. There is a
lot of work to be done in this field and we want to do all we can. I’ll post
the link below in case you are interested or want some more information!
Thanks for all you do for us. We are forever grateful!
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