Ready to Call It Quits ...

I cannot even today you guys. I am so beyond done. I'm seriously ready to just throw in my chips and call it done. I know I can't, but just keeping it real tonight y'all.

Instead of writing an entire blog whining about how rough today has been, instead of telling you all about the lack of sleep, the sick kid, the dryer on fire, the really bad day my mom is having ... instead of elaborating on all of those wonderful details, I'm just going to tell you this: on my own I do NOT have what it takes to handle this. I just don't.

There are not enough hours in the day. There is not enough of me to go around.

It is so incredibly easy, especially on days like to day, to feel so far below enough.  It so easy for me to just let the darkness envelope me and give in to the thoughts that I cannot do this. I am not enough. I am just done.

So incredibly easy.

But not what is required of me. Right now I think all God is asking is that I put one foot in front of the other each day. I may feel all alone ... but I just have to keep taking the next step. I may feel like I'm drowning, but I just have to put one foot, then the next.

I want to be angry. There are so many people who could be helping...who should care way more than they seem to, but at the end of the day I just don't think they get it. I don't think they understand what we are dealing with at all. It's easier to just be oblivious ... shoot, I envy you. I wish I didn't have to accept how bad things are. I wish I didn't have to deal with it every. single. day.

Right now I'm watching this bird outside the window. He seems to be concerned with one thing and one thing only...himself. He is pecking around looking for food, picking up things to take back to his nest. What you can't see is that he is carrying a load, not for himself, but for someone else. He is taking the food back to his nest which is just a few steps away and inside that nest is another bird. I can't get close enough to tell you what's wrong with that bird, but watching them I am struck by something ... He is carrying a load for someone else.

It's hard. It would probably be easier to just grab enough for himself and take off. But he doesn't. He continues to peck around, grab some stuff and go back to her time and time again.

That's how I feel. Some days it all seems a little pointless, but you keep pecking around and going back time and time again.

Well, this has been incredibly depressing :) So I'll leave you with this gorgeous picture my hubs got while we were driving through I think California, could have been Arizona, or New Mexico ... who knows it all started running together!

This is what I just keep reminding myself over and over...