Let's Get Real

I have been really motivated by a lot of things lately to delve into my fears. However, one of the biggest things that holds me back is letting other people know that I don't have it all together. You would think that putting my weight (YES! My actual #) on the blog would free me from that ... but it hasn't. It has not been a huge motivator, mainly because not many people read my blog and so it doesn't feel like I'm really letting anyone down when I don't follow through. Yes I realize that is RIDICULOUS logic ... but I'm just putting the truth out there. 

I just have this overwhelming worry about what people think about me. Y'all I know it's a tad ridiculous and even obsessive, but what can I say, it's the people pleaser in me. 

I follow TONS of blogs, TONS of them. Like I get way to many to truly read in a day. But I bookmark them and come back to them and am almost always inspired and encouraged by them. Right now one of the ones I follow is doing a series called Our Sacred Scared. Y'all... I have no words. It is just soooo good. Here's an excerpt: 

This series is about refusing to be ashamed of our humanity. The world is changed by scared people who JUST GO AHEAD AND SHOW UP SCARED AND FULLY HUMAN instead of waiting to morph into some sort of superhero before they start living. World changers show up, with their insecurity looming and their knees shaking - long before anybody gives them the permission to show up. Don't wait for permission and don't wait for perfection. Do what you need to do. Fail wildly and try again. Fail again and try again, again. Keep failing and trying 'till you die. THAT"S THE STUFF. All the magic and connection and excitement and LIFE is in the flailing and failing with other mess, beautiful, brave folks. Trust me on that one. Love, G

The link is here (http://momastery.com/blog/). It is such incredibly good stuff. There are five days worth. Click through and read them ALL. SO GOOD! And so incredibly challenging. Because it is all about putting our stuff out there. It's about showing up and saying I don't have it all together (check out this blog for another GREAT read ... but be warned it will offend some of you, still it's such good stuff if you're honest - http://redemptionpictures.com/ -), most days I don't even have a game plan, but I'm showing up and I'm trying. Why are we so afraid to be fully human in front of each other? Why are we so afraid to be our REAL selves? Who are we truly afraid of? I'm afraid sometimes I'm my worst enemy. 

I'm afraid that sometimes I am afraid of my REAL self. I'm afraid I have no idea who I really am? I'm afraid I won't like that person let alone worrying about what other people will think of her. I'm afraid I won't have it all together. I'm afraid I won't be enough ... or worse yet, I'll be too much. I'm afraid I'll never lose the weight. I'm afraid I'll be a terrible mother. I'm afraid I'm doing it all wrong. I'm afraid I'm wasting my life. I'm afraid my husband will find someone better. I'm afraid I'll fail.  I'm just plain afraid. 

And I'm just plain sick of it. 

This is not the life God has called us to, but it's so naive to say we can just pull ourselves up by the bootstraps and overcome this fear. This fear is real, it is alive and it is a part of us. (Or me, I definitely could be the only one dealing with this.) But I don't think I am ... I think all of us are scared. All of us are afraid. But I'm tired of letting fear stop me. I'm tired of letting doubt and worry crowd my mind. A friend sent me this a few days ago: 

Georgia O'Keeff says, "I've been absolutely terrified every second of my life - and I've never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to." 

I want to be strong. I want to be brave. I want to embrace my insecurities and run with them. Not so that others will look at me in awe, but so that somehow through it all they might get a glimpse of what grace looks like, because it will be all that is moving me. 

I want to hold myself to that standard of grace and not perfection. I will allow myself to try and fail and try again. 

At least for today ... 

I'll leave you with this quote I got from a very smart, very beautiful young lady who I miss dearly. She is gonna change this world; she and her sisters already are! 

"Like the wind, grace finds us wherever we are and won't leave us however we were found." Anne Voskamp