More...

For anyone that knows us, you now how much I have longed for a child. I have spent years praying and waiting and believing (and if I'm being honest, I've spent years in fear, doubting and dealing with my own unbelief). So why is it in this season of my life that I have found myself the most restless I have ever been. Some people tell me it's the hormones ... I can't settle there. It's more than crazy hormones. It's funny to me that as these stirrings start taking captive my heart, God puts road blocks right in front of me as if to scream, "Pay attention!!! I'm trying to show you something here!" 

One of those roadblocks came in the form of a book. I was killing a few minutes at the Christian bookstore with my precious husband waiting on one of our college kiddos to meet us for dinner. I haphazardly picked up a book by Jennie Allen called "Anything." Let the world rocking begin...

This book has met me right where I was in my wanting. It addresses this notion that we have created here that living a Godly life means we are living a life that is safe, comfortable and even normal. It's touch this place inside of me that was crying out for more. There has to be more. Yes, I am incredibly happy with where we are and waht God is providing for us. I cannot wait to be a mother and start this new journey, but in the midst of all that I find my soul crying out that there must be more. This can't be all that God created me for. Because thel ife i'm living is far from what I think he wants from me. 

I feel like most days I'm doing good if I can just make it through the motions. I know God is pushing me for more and for deeper but I can't find the strength to muster it up. But this is the relationship with him that I want. I want my life to matter in both the mundane ordinary as well as the supernatural and exceptional. Isn't that where Godliness is formed in the everyday and the ordinary?

So this is where I start. I was talking through these emotions with my hubs and I told him more than anything I don't want this to be another fire that God starts in my heart that I let burn out. So I'm motivated this time to do the work. 

To not be content. 

To not be ruled by fear.

To not care what others have to say about my passions and my dreams. 

To follow hard after His heart and his alone. 

I'm tired of having a divided heart, trying to please the world and trying to please my King. This life is short. I don't want to meet Him and have Him say, "I really appreciate all that talking about Me you did." Nope ... I want my faith to turn to action. I want to be willing to say, God whatever you want me to do, I'll do anything. 

That's where I want my heart to end up ...