Grateful...

So my heart has been heavy with the devastation in Oklahoma. I'm an Okie, born and bred. I was just telling my husband that I'm not sure the rest of the world gets life like Oklahomans do. People's first response is always about our family. Is your family ok?? While they are, and we are so incredibly blessed because of that, our hearts still hurt with what is going on at "home." All of Oklahoma feels like home.

I definitely recognize that while I am 32 weeks pregnant watching nothing but tornado coverage is probably not actually what is best for me. But I couldn't tear my eyes away. Yes, I was completely heartbroken over the pictures of utter desolation and destruction but even more my heart was so incredibly moved by the compassion and the sheer togetherness that I was watching unfold.

Oklahomans amaze me, but the reality is a lot of people amaze me. At the end of the day we all want to help those in need. Watching the nation come together and support the community was overwhelming. Seeing the stories of hope and support moved something deep in my heart.

I've been reading this book called, "Kisses by Katie." It's fantastic and incredibly challenging all at the same time. Last night I was reading about how she feels sometimes her work in Uganda is like emptying the ocean one eye dropper at a time. She went on to talk about the utter desolation she wakes up to every day in this country. I've had the experience of visiting West Africa. I honestly feel like I've left a part of my heart there and I was only there 10 days. But I get the picture: poverty, filthiness, outcasts ... yet one of the most amazing things I've ever seen is that these people don't pray about why God has caused them to suffer so.  They thank him for what they have. They never see their circumstances as punishment from him.

Oh that we would be the same. God's ultimate goal with us here on this earth is that others may see His glory. I don't know or understand why he chooses some of the means he does. I don't know why children have to die, homes have to be destroyed, or families have to be torn apart - but I do know that if we open up and we let Him, He will use it all for His glory.

Katie talks about on her blog how people ask her if this is really what she wants? She has given up her life here in America and moved to Uganda. She runs a non profit there providing children with many resources, primarily education. She has also adopted 14 beautiful girls and is busy showing them the love of a parent that most of them have been missing. But people often ask her if she's really happy. Today I want my heart to echo her answer.

"you know what i want sometimes? to go to the mall and spend a ridiculous amount of money on a cute new pair of shoes. i want to sit on my kitchen counter chatting with my girlfriends and eat a whole carton of cookie dough ice cream. i want to watch grey's anatomy, or any tv for that matter. i want to cuddle with my sweet boyfriend. i want to hop in my cute car, go to the grocery store, and pick up any kind of produce i want. i want to wake up in a house with my loving family, not all by myself. i want to go to blockbuster and pick out a movie to watch with my little brother and his friends and i want to cook for them at midnight. i want to spend mindless hours with my best friends talking about boys and fashion and school and life. i want to go to the gym. i want my hair to look nice. i want to wear cut off jean shorts. i want to be a normal teenager living in america. i do.

i want to be spiritually and emotionally filled every day of my life. i want to be loved and cuddled by 100 children and never go a day without laughing. i want to wake up to a rooster, my two africa dogs, and a splendid view of the nile river. i want to be challenged endlessly; i want to be learning and growing every minute. i want to be taught by those i teach. i want to share God's love with people who otherwise might not know it. i want to work so hard that i end every day filthy and too tired to move. i want to feel needed, important, used by the Lord. i want to make a differnce and i want to follow the calling that God has planted deep in my heart. i want to give my life away, to serve the Lord with each breath, each second. i want to be here. right here."

I want to give my life away, too. For what really matters ... His glory.