The Morning After

Honestly, my heart still hurts just as much today as it did yesterday. I've read a lot of stuff since I posted last night and I have to say most of it didn't make me feel much better. I've spent some time talking with family and friends and reminding myself what some of the important things are.

This still feels like a dark cloud over me at this moment, but I have been reminded a lot of how loved we are. Honestly, I'm not really ready to talk to God yet. I did tell him today he clearly knows I'm not happy with him ... (as if he needed me to tell him!) But I'm just really not ready to discuss, but that hasn't stopped him from reaching out to me.

A sweet friend sent me this verse this morning. "Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him for He shields him all the day long and the one the Lord loves rests between His shoulders."

Such a sweet reminder that I am loved. I have not been abandoned.

Then this morning I was putting things away in my mom's bathroom and I saw the verse she has written on a note card on her mirror..."Because of the Lord's great love, We are not consumed."
Honestly I feel consumed. I feel like this is like a smoke that slithers into all the crevices and fills completely up, completely consuming me. BUT ... I will cling to the truth that I am not consumed. At this moment I'm practicing what I'd like to call acting my way to a feeling.

I'm going to be writing more once all my traveling slows down, but I wanted to say this: The very best thing you can do is be normal. Don't avoid us. Don't try to tell us all that you now about dementia and offer your own diagnosis. Just be normal. Call my mom, text her, let her know you still want to be in her life. Don't focus on the diagnosis or what's wrong, just be her friend. Hang out with her and be normal.

I say that because I've had so many people ask me what they can do. That's it. Be normal. Don't abandon us and don't give us your medical opinions :)! We like our doctors a lot and we will be sticking with the treatment options they've given us!

Continue praying with us. We have a long journey ahead.